Have you ever felt lost within yourself, and only you can understand the way you feel. On the outside, everything seems perfect, but within you, it feels like you don’t know who you are. One thing I struggled with was my identity, I didn’t know who I was and this was a major issue I faced even up until my adulthood. My experience struggling with my identity will differ from other individuals because we are all different. However, I hope with me sharing this, it gives you the assurance that you are not alone.
Being lost in my identity put me in a position where I did things and played the part to suit other people, which meant I had to act up multiple personalities. Ok, let me give you an example, I would date guys that I knew deep inside of me I shouldn’t be dating because if my mum had met these guys, she definitely would have been disappointed in me. Please, don’t get me wrong am not putting down the guys I dated, I made the decision to fit into their own box so that I would be accepted.
Why I say so now, is because knowing who I am today, she will not put her self in a position where she had to pretend and crave for attention just to fit into peoples boxes. Trust me, I am writing from a place of experience If you don’t have a clear definition of your identity and who you are, you’re highly going to be indecisive about the decisions you make. Just imagine a pendulum, yes! That’s how I was.
At some point I felt so lost, I didn’t know what to do with myself, I had questions like will I find someone to truly love me for me, can I ever love my self so deeply, who am I really. I was so full of hurt and anger because nothing seemed to work, I just went with the flow. I was so distracted that I eventually lost confidence in myself, I felt so much void within me. Have you ever felt this way and wondered how does one overcome such feeling?
Ok honestly, I wouldn’t say I had a plan on how to get my identity back, I personally believe that God’s love and mercy found me, simple. Also, with the decision for personal growth and a deeper relationship with God I eventually found myself. I connected with the right people who understood what it meant to lose ones confident, I was exposed to strong people who loved God and were genuinely ready to help me. Honesty, I know to so many people it sounds cliché, but if anyone asked me how I was able to get it together, well this is my know-how.
Believe it or not, I had no manual’s, plan’s or to-do list, all I had was, the drive for personal growth, positive relationships and God loves. Am I perfect? No, but I have found my self and know who I am. Do I sometimes feel lost? Yes, but I know who I can turn to in times I feel heavily anxious. Do I have all the answers, hmmm No but I daily find answers by drawing closer to God who I can trust and talk to.
I will end with this, believe that you are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, and He has plans to prosper you, and you do not have the Spirit of Fear but of Power, Love and a Sound Mind. Girl, I can go on and on but am thankful that in Him I found my Identity and I hope and pray you too can.
Xoxo
Bbbempower.