Hey Beautiful People,
Ok! can someone please tell me where the month of June has gone, but honestly I am grateful for everything, and God has been very faithful. We should not take the gift of life for granted. You may not have or be where you want to be, but as long as you have air in your lungs then every day is an opportunity to get up and try, try, try again, my favorite words.
So, let’s talk! what’s burning within you and I mean burning, that specific thing you can’t and won’t speak to anyone about. Come on, stop playing with me, am sure you know exactly what I am talking about. I mean those deep dark secrets you can’t share and when the doors are shut, the lights are off, then those thoughts start running through your head. You begin to feel a sense of anxiety, fear, and frustration, as those tears start flowing down your eyes. However, there’s a quick shift when the doors are opened and you are in the spotlight, you smile again like nothing ever happened the night or days before and the burning vicious circle continues.
Honestly, I can relate because I have been there, and trust me it burns, you can feel the sensation in your heart and no one else can understand. Although we all experience different levels of burns some will hurt more than others but the fact remains that everyone feels a certain level of burn regardless. In the past, I struggled with my identity, not knowing who I was, or what I should be doing, and where I was headed. So confused, I couldn’t make the right decisions for myself, to the extent where I can admit that I did not understand what was right from wrong. I would take dangerous risks without even thinking about the possible consequence, consequence was not a word I understood. I lived each day as it came, had no strategic goals, no understanding of being focus and consistent. Strangely, I knew what I wanted for my life, well I wanted to be a fashion designer but my lack of discipline and distraction resulted in me not planning and focusing to achieve this. For me, it was easy to give up on my goals, because I wouldn’t follow through on a task or project.
Procrastination and lack of urgency became a norm for me and I spent so much of my time and effort in relationships with guys that I can practically write a book about the different characters of guys. These experiences and other things that I may have shared in my previous posts, lead me to a dark place of uncertainty about myself. Knowing your identity and not leaving a life of multiple personalities or people-pleaser, will definitely give you peace of mind. Unfountalty, I shared non of those experiences and feelings with anyone.
If you can admit that you are experiencing this burn you will realize that it feels like your living in bondage and you just can’t set yourself free. The burn your feeling suddenly becomes normal to you, one day you’re feeling good and the next day your not. Occasionally, you feel better, then eventually you won’t care to address the root cause of the burn. The circle just never stops, does it. This burn can distract you from the goals and plans you have for your life, don’t get me wrong for some people regardless of this burn they can solider on with the pain and strive for success. In my scenario, this was not the case maybe because of my personality. I am a thinker and I dwell on a lot of things that can make me anxious and worried, therefore I cannot be productive. I had to be real and true to myself and be intentional about getting help and support from trusted people, I just could not continue pretending like the burn didn’t hurt.
The question is, are you ready to get help, speak to a trusted person, and surrender to God who made you to help fix you and admitting that you can’t do this on your own. I went through a journey of healing and discovery, I am still working on myself each day. However, I am now focused driven, I found my identity, and I know that life is a place that requires discipline. This scripture is one I dwell on when things get tough ‘’No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward, there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way, Hebrews 12:11. When I read it I understand that you can’t live an unruly life, else you will keep compounding yourself with junk in and out.
In part 2 of this blog post ”Burning within me” I will share how I was set free, I am not perfect and I am still working on myself each day. I hope that the little I shared will make you aware that you are not alone. I am here to encourage you, share my thoughts and experience with you. It’s time to take the bold step that is required for a positive change. We are born to win and with God, I believe that all things are possible. I want you to sit back, journal, and decide that you want this change, you want to heal from this burn and it’s time to speak out to a trusted person.
xoxo,
BBB empower.